That voice in your head. The one that wakes you up at 3 AM to itemise your failures. The one that whispers you're "lazy" if you take a break, or "stupid" if you make a mistake. You call it your conscience. You might even believe it’s helping you—driving you towards success, preventing you from getting complacent.

I call it your Inner Critic, and frankly, it’s not your friend. It’s an unhelpful, aggressive saboteur rooted in your past. The toxic noise it generates is built almost entirely on the word "should."

"I should have worked harder." "I should be further along by now." "I should never let my family down."

If you’re struggling with self-esteem, anxiety, or burnout, it’s time to stop listening to this tyrannical voice and understand where it came from and why it lies to you.

As a psychotherapist, I've seen first-hand how this ingrained message fuels a relentless pressure to conform, leading to what Dr. John Barry calls the male gender script. This script dictates that men must be independent, stoic, competitive, and above all, emotionally invulnerable. And it’s slowly, quietly, hurting men.

Let’s be direct: You feel jealous. You see your partner talking a little too closely to someone else, or you notice a subtle shift in their attention, and that familiar, tight knot forms in your gut. Maybe it's a cold spike of fear, or a hot rush of suspicion.

If you’re like many men, you immediately feel a second, more painful emotion: Shame.

The Male Gender Script, with its rigid expectations and enforced emotional repression, is a key driver of the current male mental health crisis. The pressures from modern feminism, misandry, capitalism, the labour market, postmodernism, and automation only serve to worsen the psychological toll on men and boys.

The emotional pain men experience following a breakup, especially when their partner quickly moves on, is multifaceted and deeply rooted in psychological constructs of self-esteem, self-concept, masculinity, and shame. By addressing these issues in therapeutic settings and challenging harmful societal norms, men can begin to heal, emerging stronger and more self-aware.

NHS and mental health charity waiting lists are long, and the cost of private counselling may be difficult for many people to afford in today’s economic climate. Thankfully, there are numerous strategies and interventions available to help men navigate their mental well-being, many of which are accessible without breaking the bank.

Men's anger is not a predetermined trait but rather a product of societal conditioning and unmet emotional needs. Through counselling and psychotherapy, men can unpack their anger, cultivate emotional intelligence, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing.

Looking after our well-being is a multifaceted endeavour. Recognizing the importance of connection, self-care, purpose, and resilience provides a roadmap for individuals seeking to prioritize their mental health.

On #internationalmensday2023 here’s an article written by Martin Seager and John Barry of The Centre for Male Psychology.

Work should enhance our lives, not jeopardize our mental health. Recent research has underscored the severe impact that work-related stress can have on our emotional well-being, making it imperative to address these issues promptly. Engaging with a qualified counsellor or psychotherapist can offer invaluable support in navigating these challenges.

Seeking help for mental health issues is a vital step toward a healthier and happier life. We must shatter the stigma and stereotypes surrounding men's mental health and encourage open conversations.